broken and spilled out

Some days, working on a bus route as a ministry at church is exhilarating.

Others it's frustrating.

While still others, it's heart-breaking.

Today it was heart-breaking.

Recently, I was transferred to the 4-year olds Junior Church #2 class.  One word: challenging.  Some of the kids are super good.  I think it's partly their personality because in public schools these days, I don't think kids are expected to sit still for an extended amount of time.  And then there are the chosen few who are a weekly challenge.  I remind myself that these challenging children have backgrounds.  I made a point about a month ago to ask one of the bus captains about a few of Jr. Church kids who ride her bus.  What I found out broke my heart.  It gives me much more understanding and a much larger degree of patience when dealing with kids if I understand what their week is like. 

Today, I was walking sweet and naughty little B down the hallway.  It was a break for her {maybe she would attempt to listen after some exercise}.  As I was walking down the hallway, I saw one of the kids off my bus outside of his class.  He had been out of seat, etc..and broke something {that was kinda valuable - ie - an electric piano...cringe} in the classroom.  Yes, this kid can be a challenge.  Y.E.S.!!  But what it has taken for him to be allowed to come to church {he has wanted to come for a few years now} and the home he comes from and his cute little cross-eyes totally broke my heart.  I literally had to walk away because I was choking up.  His home is not the best one.  Sure, his mom loves him but it's rough from a Christian, Biblical standpoint.

As I was driving shuttle this afternoon, my thought processes turned into a post and "broken and spilled out" became the title.  I hope my life is broken and spilled out for Jesus Christ.  I want to give my all for Him.  I want to be a channel of His love to these hopeless kids.  I want to show them that SOMEONE does love and care for them.  My dad often reminds us that we are just workers in His vineyard.  We're just called to work and He produces the results. 

I live for the Sundays when it is exhilarating.

I'm glad when a Sunday is over and it has been frustrating.

I'm so thankful for the Sundays when I am heart broken.  It reminds me of why I need to be broken and spilled out.